I feel like abortions should bother me more
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
