last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this just has baby written all over it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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