Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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