So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
