i think my tv is drunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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