You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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