he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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