with your own penis?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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