you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
