i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
