if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what day is it and did you see me today?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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