So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
