the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
