barbara walters just said penis...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wear drunk well.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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