I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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