so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
