You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
