Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
