Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
