operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
