i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
