why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
