He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
