I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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