I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
