that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
