I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
