It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
