when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
