OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
