remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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