I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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