from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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