she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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