If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
