tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
