yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
