Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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