Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
