this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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