Got a toothbrush?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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