his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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