I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
