He uses pillows to masturbate.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
