there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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