the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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