I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
