Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
