my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
