Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
