Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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