dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
