I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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