Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
