if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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