just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
