i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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