Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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