At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
