You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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