Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
