He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
