Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have started to decorate penises.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize