now i know why i became what i already was.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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