At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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