He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.