So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today