I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.