I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested