i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
