ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
