i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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