i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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