omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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