I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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