it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
