dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
