this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
